I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
