I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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