he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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