Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He did a backflip because drugs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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