I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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