We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize