Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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