my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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