If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize