But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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