just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
