dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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