Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
