Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
