You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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