she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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