Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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