I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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