Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
