they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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