I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
