we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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