Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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