im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
