we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize