Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
