It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
