my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
