I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
