Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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