i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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