I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
