She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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