When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize