If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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