On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
