He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
