I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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