I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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