he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
