Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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