I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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