Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
