Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
