I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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