Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
