the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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