You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
