My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
