dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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