Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize