I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
