You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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