My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my nose is crying tears of wow.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
