Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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