3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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