Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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