I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
