I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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