I just pynch a tree in the face
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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