Don't you send me to vm
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
