11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
