if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
