"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
