Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
