Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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