I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
