i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
