He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize