after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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