Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
